Shut Up Iris

I've read a few articles about this soccer World Cup thing, and seen part of a match or two while flipping past ESPN and here is the opinion I've formed of the entire thing. First: ESPN totally sucks unless it's Friday Night Fights or Pardon the Interruption. Wilbon is a Chicago guy and that's never bad and Kornheiser is a cranky old man with a short circuit between his mouth and his brain. Second: Soccer is still the gayest sport. Third: Soccer fans need to be rounded up and gassed.

Now some fans give me hope:


But most seem to be:


Now I've read some pundits go on and on about how the US of A needs to catch up with the rest of the world on this crazy soccer thing and that the US of A soccer team doing good will finally wake up the US of A to the greatness of soccer and all things soccer. I sure as hell hope not. We're already brain dead enough about politics up in this bitch to join in on the soccer-retardation that the rest of the world suffers from. Honestly invading a few countries for no reason does much less damage to the world than say the vuvuzela.

The vuvuzela is grounds for justifiable homicide. I can understand being a fan and wanting to make some noise for your team but the rest of the world is very bad at this. Normally I make it to about three or four Chicago Bulls games a year, and yes I shout and holler when a play is made, but here in the US, when your team is stinking up the joint or nothing is happening, we all stop the yelling. So far as I've seen soccer fans blow the vuvuzela no matter what, they blow it continuously. Why? I think it's because even soccer fans realize how pathetic and boring soccer is and how low they have become to travel to some arm-pit country in Africa to watch a game so what else can you do? The vuvuzela drowns out the sound of depression apparently.

The other thing I dislike is how hipsters here in the US of A have started calling soccer 'Football' or 'Futbol'. This is America damn it, it's 'soccer' 'football' is a sport with pads and hitting and professional dog-fighting.

On the scale of things that you have to be horribly depressed and/or retarded to like soccer ranks right up there with baseball. You know something isn't any real fun when it's only fun if you're wasted or have to distract yourself with a noise maker.

That is all.