Shut Up Iris

I really do. Read my previous article on the sad state of American automotive affairs and you'll see I viciously singled out GM's bloated and totally gay product line. That article my friends, is what finally brought GM to it's knees. Now I don't hate GM. Buick is one of my favorite car brands, I love the new Lucerne and have owned a couple of Buicks including my all time indestructible Buick Somerset that I sold in 1995 for $500.00 with 280,000+ miles on it. However GM's record profits a few years ago spawned some of the worst cars ever, Michael Moore may be a big fat douchebag, but he was right about GM. If a fat dipshit like that could see the collapse of the American auto-industry twenty years ago, how could the people in charge of GM miss it? I honestly don't know and don't care. Chrysler and GM are dead, leaving only Ford among the Big Three still standing. I'm glad Chrysler is dead too, mainly because FIAT is buying their shit up and this will hopefully mean that we will get Alfa-Romeo in the US again.



If that happens, I will buy a Brera. I will. So, now that I've singlehandly destroyed GM, let's take a run at Ford. Ford, is also a company that I like. My work car is a Mercury Grand Marquis and I can say without fear of contradiction that is is the most comfortable vehicle to ram things in. It's cheap and easy to maintain, parts for it are everywhere and every mechanic in the world can fix a Ford. However I am pissed at Ford. Why, you ask? You're fucking nosy, you know that. If you must know, it's the Ford Focus RS:



What's wrong with it? Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. It will monster any little rice buring fast-n-furious Mitsubishi Eclipse, Acura TL or any of those cherry bomb pipe, spoiler having Jap-cars that are so popular in the US. Wait, there is a problem with the Focus RS, WE CAN'T GET IT IN AMERICA. Why? Because Ford says that Americans won't buy and don't like small two door coupes. Really? Americans don't like them? Then somebody should tell Honda, Toyota and Mitsubishi and every other sushi smelling jap car company that sells TONS of little two door coupes to every redneck who's seen the fast-n-retardulous. Fuck you Ford. Ford is American, we should ALWAYS get the best Ford has to offer. Fuck you ford for this:



Look at the styling on the Focus RS, now look above at the styling on the Focus four door. Do you see it? This is the styling cue they used on the Focus four door:



Somehow Ford thinks that Americans hate small, aggressively styled performance coupes, but thinks that we instead want to ride around in our grandmothers head all day. Double fuck you Ford. It gets even worse when you see the four door sedan that Ford has been selling in Europe:



Fucking Ford! Ford has the capacity to make awesome looking cars that perform brilliantly and are reliable, and we never see them here in the US. They can even make a Fiesta in Europe that has such good gas mileage and produces so little carbon that it is exempt from emissions taxes! Why, why can't we just have the RS, or the Mondeo, why are we stuck with granny shit-face Focus and trucks and SUV's?? America LOVES cars. In closing I hope that Ford goes bankrupt as well, unless I get to buy a Focus RS. Dirty mother fuckers.

Terrorists, who are they, what do they want, why kill people.................so many questions. There are only two things that are certain about modern day terrorists, First: they are almost universally religious fanatics and B: they have no qualms about killing or dying for their causes.



So, who are they? They are usually poor, ignorant and jobless. The ignorant part is very, very important because you have to be monumentally stupid to listen to someone who tells you to go and blow yourself up 'for the cause' while they wait at home to hear about your martyrdom. Like most shit jobs in life you have to be an idiot to do it and have to have an asshole for a boss.



Now then what do they want? It used to be all terrorists where fighting for a homeland, Zionists killed British and Palestinians to get Israel, the Contra's killed Americans and stuff for El Salvador, Palestinians kill Jews because the Zionists got Israel, the Mujahadeen killed Russians because they wanted them out of Afghanistan...........and so on and so forth. However todays terrorists kills for ideas. They kill for vague ideas and unspecified ideals that they themselves cannot even possibly live by, but which their leaders tell them are obtainable if you're willing to strap just a little more dynamite onto your body. They don't hijack planes for money, they don't want your money, they want you dead. Wait, where do terrorists get their money for all the weapons?

Well, good question. If you are a Muslim terrorist than your money comes primarily from Saudia Arabia. As far back as 2002 the 9/11 commission found direct links to members of the Saudi Royal Family and the 9/11 hijackers and recommended that President Bush do more to pierce the secrecy of the Saudi Royal Family. That was never done, and of course there was a good reason why:



It is also well known that the financial ties between the Saudis and the Taliban and Mujahadeen were in fact enabled by the CIA to fight the Soviets in Afghanistan. Imagine that, of all the things to bite you in the ass giving guns and money to suicidal religious fanatics. Some of us see the problem with that and even some, the 9/11 victims families, see that to stop terrorism stop the money. Makes perfect sense, so take the Saudi Royal Family and government that funds the terrorists to court...................oh shit, here we go again..........



So, despite the fact that 15 of the 19 9/11 hijackers were Saudi, that they were bankrolled by a Saudi millionaire and members of the Saudi Royal Family, our government, the US government says 'no, you can't sue the Saudis.' Smooth move. If anything will assure the Taliban and Al Qaeda continuing the senseless religious war against the US and anyone that shares the planet with them it will the decision to make sure that their backers go unchallenged.

BUT that's not all you get! We also get the Christian Taliban here in the US! Yes right here in America you can get the Christian Fundamentalists that believe so much in the sanctity of life, that they will KILL for it. Seriously. Those fine folks who call Dr. Tiller a 'murderer' and write that he and others like him should be 'stopped' at 'whatever cost', are 'surprised' and 'shocked' that one of their own number would murder him. Bullshit, the entire pro-life movement and it's barely disguised rhetoric are in fact terrorists terrorists intent on killing anyone that cannot rise to their own level of hypocrisy and self-loathing. To be 'pro-life' is to condone terrorism and murder. Just like Osama Bin Laden the Christian Taliban has it's cheerleaders.



Al Qaeda has the television network Al Jazeera, the Christian Taliban has Fox News. Today you can find literally hundreds of thousands of posts on Pro-life message boards praising the murder of Dr. Tiller. Just like after 9/11 when Al Qaeda message boards lit up with praise of the World Trade Center martyrs. Both groups have the same agenda: worship God and base your life on our religious interpretations or die. The Christian Taliban are as transparently murderous as Al Qaeda. If Pro-life groups seriously wanted to stop abortion, they would spend their time and money fighting the root cause of most abortion: poverty. Instead of picketing, attacking and killing abortionists they would seek to intervene with poor or scared mothers and give them a better alternative. However, just like Bin Laden gives us no clear alternatives, the Pro-life Christian Taliban does not either. Once the baby is born to a poor unfit mother, their job is done.



So those are the who's and the why's of terrorism. It's retarded, makes no sense and takes inhuman levels of hypocrisy. The only thing that you have to remember is that it's not just the turbaned guy you need to watch for, it's the allegedly devout Christian coming into your church, or the clean cut white guy. Murderous hypocrisy lives in American just as virulently as it does in the Middle East.



So let's wake up and call bullshit on the alleged 'Pro-Life' movement and hunt them motherfuckers down just like we hunt down Islamic terrorists.

Christianity, the official version, is based on the life of one Jesus Lamar Christ who was the Son of God and who supposedly proved it by performing miracles over two thousand years ago. Let's overlook that the Bible is the only account of the time that mentions Jesus and his miraculous doings, let's overlook the out and out inaccuracies in the Bible or the ways in which it defies logic and actual reality and let's focus on something more current and more stupider.

Torture. There, I said it, I'd say it again if I had to. Jesus was tortured by the Romans before being horribly executed, totally unfairly according to Christians. Jesus was tortured so bad that most Christians today still hold a grudge against the Jews for the Romans torturing of Christ. What? Never mind, now you'd think that a religion founded by their leader being tortured and crucified would be extra sensitive about things like torture and crucification.



You'd think, but no. Even though Jesus made water into wine, brought people back from the dead and invented a very comfy form of sandal this is the image that most Christians have of Jesus:



Yes folks Jesus' final trick before leaving The Sands Hotel in Vegas was DYING FOR OUR SINS! So let's commemorate it by taking every opportunity to make a depiction of this gentle man's horrible, horrible death! There is something wrong about that. Very deeply psychologically wrong.

This isn't even the bad part, it gets worse. Jesus said love thy neighbor, love thy enemy as you love thyself, turn the other cheek, yadda-yadda-yadda, shut the fuck up Jesus, we're Christians and we KNOW what you meant better than you do. 'What?' you may be asking take a look here at this poll. That can't be right, no? Look at what happened when a Christian disagrees with torture. Holy Jesus Shit. For some, unknown reason Evangelical Christians overwhelmingly believe in and fully support torture. This level of hypocrisy hasn't been attempted since Pastor Ted Haggard snorted coke off the ass of a male prostitute before engaging in homosexual sex.



The level of mind numbing, self deluding hypocrisy it takes to be a follower of the 'Prince of Peace' and condone torture is beyond calculation. This level of hypocrisy should have only one reaction from normal rational human beings and that is: Complete and utter hatred.

That's how I feel, I hate Christians, Christians can go fuck themselves, they have no concept of J.J. Christ and his teachings and have no concept of humanity or compassion.

Faith is willful ignorance, and Christians get the gold.

Read the article here. When you're done reading that, come back here and I'll tell you why I call 'bullshit' on that. Back yet, okay, here we go.



As you can see from my picture above I like guns, an armed society is a polite society. No, I don't know why the picture is so bright, that was the first time I'd ever used my camera phone and apparently somebody was testing a nuclear bomb in my kitchen, maybe the North Koreans. Bad photography aside, that article is both spurious and fucking bull-diarrhea-shit. Now, that article makes it seem that Hawaii has some of the strictest gun laws in the United States, note where it says with it's 'strong gun laws' immediately implying that other states gun laws are 'weak'.

Now look at Hawaii's gun laws, and Illinois gun laws. Holy what is the Astroglide for Batman!? Illinois' gun laws are quite a bit more strict, so logically, Illinois must have lower gun ownership rates and lower gun deaths. No and no, see for yourself.



Illinois ranks right in the middle, how is that possible? Even stupider, Washington DC which had the nations strictest gun laws (the TOTAL handgun ban was thrown out by the courts) has the HIGHEST RATE OF GUN DEATHS.

So, what is the deal? I have several ideas. First off both Illinois and DC have much denser populations and much higher rates of drug related crime. If you sell drugs, you have guns to protect your business. Hawaii is partially insulated by it's distance from, well , everywhere. Hawaii is a place where tons of tourists go to relax and where hunting is marginal at best I would imagine on the small island which are made up mostly of parks and wild life preserves. So that's two reasons, less handguns because not as much smack to protect, less rifles because of less hunting. Now take a look at this Hawaii had nearly the exact same rate of murders as other states it's size.

Less gun deaths because of fewer guns, but the same amount of murders, so even if there were zero guns on Hawaii, I doubt that would equal zero murders.

So long story short: People have been murdering each other since Darwin invented people and long before any guns ever even existed and even with an absence of guns, people will still try and find a way to kill each other. A gun is a tool. People are killed with screw drivers, ice picks, frying pans, cars................why isn't anyone trying to outlaw them?



It's all very fishy to me, banning guns only makes sure that the people that use them to protect themselves will be killed by criminals that illegally have guns.

Abraham Lincoln

President Lincoln, the man who practically invented the Republican Party, a progressive thinker that believed that the constitution of the United States applied to all her people no matter what their race or social background happened to be. A man who rightfully believed that slavery in a state founded on the dedication to liberty was just silly. More importantly, he believed that the United States was a union worth fighting and dying for, so I'm sure he'd be happy as a pig in shit to see that today, his Republican party leads the country in approving of secession, and watch Republican Governors talk openly about secession.



I'm sure that Lincoln would be proud that his party was now a racist conglomeration of wealthy honkies and mostly southerners at that. The 'Big Tent' that Lincoln tried to put up, is now filled with clowns, and not the funny kind, the scary kind that make children cry.

I would've voted for Lincoln.

Theodore 'Teddy' Roosevelt

Holy Fucking Balls. Teddy was a man's man, he shot or killed with his bare hands at least one of each of God's creatures, including Spaniards. This was back when the Republican Party was progressive, a time when when it was okay for a big time Republican to take on large corporations and banks that profited from their own inequities that screwed the American people. A time when Republicans not only started conflicts, but actually fought in them! I'd like to see Dubyah or Cheney charge up San Juan hill.



Teddy fought for two things his whole life, first to keep Europe out of North and South America's affairs and second he was for every American getting a Square Deal. What was the Square Deal? That was making sure that businesses that refused to regulate themselves and screw the little guy were regulated or put out of business, it meant conservation, nature belongs to all Americans and should stay unspoiled as much as possible for all our benefit. Teddy was the first President to understand that businesses run only for profit and will not care about anyone or anything that gets in the way of their profit in a laissez faire capitalistic system, limits needed to be set and by gum he set them! If you didn't like them, he shot you in the fucking face!

Ronald Reagan

The Gipper, our grandfatherly, Grecian Formula 99 addicted humorous old President. While most of his social and domestic policies were laughable and he certainly let his Cabinet and advisor's get away with far too much there are two things that made him great.



First: Reagan almost singlehandedly dismantled Communism. How did he do that, who did we have to invade? Nobody. Reagan understood better than anyone that not talking to your enemies gave them no reason to like you. Reagan unconditionally sat down and had a good earnest talk with America's greatest enemies ever and lo and behold, THEY LIKED HIM! Then by extension they liked America, and then they signed treaties, opened markets and the dominoes kept tumbling until Germany was re-unified and the Iron Curtain rusted.

Compare that to Dubyah, Condi, Cheney's and Josh Boltons insistence that we never talk to enemies because it 'legitimizes' them, so what happened? At the beginning of Dubyah's first term North Korea had an agreement in place, Iran had a pro-American moderate President. Then all of the sudden they became the Axis of Evil, now Korea most likely has the bomb, Iran has a hard line President determined to have a nuclear reactor. Good going guys. Every true conservative knows that were Reagan alive today he'd punch George Dubyah Bush right in the mouth, he'd promptly forget why, but he'd still fucking do it.

Third, I mean Second: Reagan also saved the economy, even defeating Jimmy Carter's 'Stagflation' Monster single handedly! How did he do that? Fuck the deficit, if the government spends money, people go to work and get paychecks. The only difference between Reagan's economic plan and Obama's is that Reagan didn't call it a 'stimulus' he called it 'building weapons to scare that birthmark off of Gorbachev's head!'. Reagan poured money into defense creating MILLIONS of high paying, union, industrial jobs that jump started the economy and finally shook off the last of Carter's 'Wait it out malaise'. Obama is doing the same thing , except he's giving money mainly to banks, which as we've seen, is pointless. IF Republicans today were the party of Reagan they would have applauded the stimulus but insisted that more went to projects that rescue the working people, defense, infrastructure and manufacturing should have been the main thrust of the stimulus.

The Gipper knew that sometimes you have to spend money to make money.

Ron Paul

I wrote him in, you can't blame me. Ron Paul is an old-time Goldwater Republican, that is, the government should cut waste, lower taxes, not make any law that restricts freedom, get the government out of the job of trying to police morality and stop invading people damn it! How can you argue with him? Dr. Paul is ALWAYS right!



Let's take a look:

Ron Paul said that invading Iraq would be a financial logistical and military disaster, he said that when even DEMOCRATS were supporting the war, and he was right.

Ron Paul warned about the housing bubble and that when artificially high home prices collapsed so would the economy, he was right.

Ron Paul wondered out loud on the House floor why the Federal Government had ANYTHING to do with mortgages with Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae, he was right, we've now spent billions to fix them.

Ron Paul advised that the assault weapons ban would have no effect on gun crime, homicide, or crime in general, it didn't, he was right again.

Ron Paul warned that the Patriot Act would be used to erode American Citizens freedoms, it has , he was right.

Ron Paul warned that the 'surge' in Iraq was a false positive, that the reason violence was low was Dubyah's buying off of the Sunni tribes, he was right, Iraqi violence is rebounding since the Iraqi government has reneged on integrating the Sunni tribes into the army and security forces.

It must be frustrating as fuck to always be right and lose your Party's nomination because you think that things like the constitution, freedom and not wasting tax payers money is more important than gay marriage.


So that's my point. the New Republican Party's agenda is all about social issues. They want more laws that restrict what people do, the Republican Party has lost their roots as the 'Small Government' party and instead have become the Christian Right's water carrier and are more concerned with legislating morality instead of good old Republican Progressive governmental reform.

Conservatives need to roll up their sleeves and take the Republican Party back from the American Taliban in the Christian Right and the racist talk show hosts and get to work doing what Conservatives do best: Making government work better by keeping it out of citizens lives.